Madeline Albright, former Secretary of State, famously says, “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
While many of us crave the BFF who we can call for heart-felt-chit-chat, the friend who will bring us chicken-noodle soup when we’re sick, and the confidante who is consistently present in the ups-and-downs of life; there is also a huge need for a different kind of friend in our life: the BBF.
Not to be confused with BFF’s, what we also need are women who are going to be champions of our ambitions, companies, and platforms: our Business Best Friends.
BBF’s are women who recognize that a rising tide lifts all boats. Women who hold with ease the belief that one doesn’t lose when another wins, that there are enough miracles for all of us, that my success isn’t threatened by yours, that there is room, a lot more room for successful women. Women who are willing to promote each other, brainstorm with one another, and mentor each other in our various fields of expertise and experience.
Women who don’t just want others to do it for them, but are willing to also give it. Generously. To those behind them, to those ahead of them, to those beside them.
How You Can Create a Common Friends Group
You see there are 5 different kinds of friends. If you only build up BFF’s (what I term Commitment Friends) then you could be lacking amazing resources and inspiration that come from different types of friend. (For more on my 5 Circles of Connectedness: see my blog with videos)
One of my favorite circles is the Common Friends circle—the friends we develop around one shared interest or goal—whether it be in church, around politics, in an art class, or as part of a mom’s group. If you own your own business or are thinking of starting one—then a BBF group, women who are as passionate about business as you are is the way to go!
Call it a mastermind, an entrepreneur support group, a success team, or as one of my BBF’s likes to describe it: a personal advisory board that we all share.
Building a group of business friends is my favorite way of networking.
Here’s how to create your own:
Invite: Join one on meetup.com or through a local chapter of a business club, or start your own. This year I reached out to two local female entrepreneurs who impress me to see if either of them was interested in starting one with me. They both said yes. We’ll each invite 3 other women, some that we know, others that we want to know.
What’s most important here is to figure out what you want everyone to have in common. Is it better to have a group where you all come from different industries and networks (therefore being able to bring different skills and contacts to the table) or it better to have a group where you share synergy because you’re all in the same field who can sympathize, brainstorm, and partner up for events (i.e. all being therapists/coaches, authors/speakers, tech start-ups, or retailers) or perhaps the commonality is that you all have a shared target audience (i.e. all retailers on the same block, all vendors to small businesses).
A word of wisdom: typically the best size for real sharing and synergy is between 6-10 people. And of those who join, it is common to ask for a commitment that they plan to attend at least 10 of the 12 months, or something that ensures that this group experiences a loyalty and familiarity that can only come with consistency.
Format: There are so many different ways of organizing these groups so the most important thing is making sure that at the first meeting everyone is on the same page, coalesced around the shared purpose.
My mastermind last year started with 30 minutes of socializing and mingling over snacks, then we had a guest expert for 30 minutes (on subjects we had all agreed upon at the beginning of the year that were of interest to our businesses and professional growth), then the last 90 minutes were split up with each group member getting 10 minutes of the group time to share a win/celebration in their business and a challenge where they wanted the group to help brainstorm.
Some groups have everyone set their annual goals and report each month on their individual progress. Other groups may decide to organize an event together that generates promotion for everyone. Another fun idea is to have each person in the group facilitate a different month—teaching for 10-15 minutes in their area of expertise. There are obviously a myriad of options for how the group can help each other.
Usually in about 4-5 months in you’ll start sensing the feel of community developing. You’ll feel like you have real cheerleaders in your city who want your success and can help be your ambassadors. You’ll become more honest and vulnerable, supporting each other through the pain points of business. You’ll be glad there are people you brought in closer than simply what can be done in an evening of hand-shaking and business card passing. It does take some intentionality. It does take some commitment.
And it’s worth it. Worth it to invest yourself in someone else, knowing they are doing the same for you. May we be women who truly show up to fuel each other’s goals, help overcome the obstacles, and become the best we can be in our businesses.
If Madeline Albright is right, then it must also be true: “There is a special place in heaven for women to help each other.”
And I want to be one of them. And I want you to be, too.
Shasta Nelson, M.Div. (@girlfrndcircles) is a relationship strategist, life coach, and founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a women’s friendship matching site in 35 cities across the U.S. She blogs weekly at Shasta’s Friendship Blog and for the Huffington Post.
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