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Home is Wherever You Hang Your Hat

February 23, 2010 by Lynn Edwards | Comments (0)

For those of you who have read my Rachel Ray blog you know I’m culinarily challenged, but love those food shows. I’m equally as inept at home design & décor but I love me some Design on a Dime (although I don’t actual DO either). I love the word “home.” I grew up in a small rambler with seven people, one bathroom and no dishwasher, but it was home. My Dad still lives there and it’s amazing how it feels sleeping in that house. It’s awesome when we all go home with our families, the bathroom line is just a little longer now with 23 people. After college I became a vagabond and lived all over the world, followed by 18 years as an army spouse. The Army has this cute little sign that says “Home is where the Army sends you.”

Needless to say, my “home” has been a stinky room the size of a closet, a grass hut in the middle of a rice paddy, an apartment on the 75th floor, a condo near a strip mall, a large sprawling tudor style, and approximately 5000 hotel rooms. I love all that cool stuff you get for your home when you get married but I made a critical mistake and had a really small wedding. Turns out I received three place settings of my formal china. When we’d have another couple over the fourth person had to eat off a plastic power ranger plate. I’m so home décor challenged I have lived for months with no pictures on the wall, have gone 20+ years without buying window treatments and I don’t have more than two bath towels the same color. When people ask me what “theme” I have decorated my homes I answer with a mid-modern century “pot pourri”.

As a joke one year my friends bought me an entire set of holiday plates. I now have salt & pepper shakers with snowmen on them…so stinking cool! I think chicks that wear hats are fashion forward stars, those with holiday-themed china are domestic goddesses….now I’m one. There are some staples I love that seem to make a house a luxurious home…a million pillows on your bed & lots of thread count sheets, a system to organize your plastic wear & lids, real flowers on your kitchen island, and that’s living. Oh, and whoever invented that electric fire place switch needs a raise…big time! I love huge tubs but have spent little time in them. The time I did spend was usually jockeying around to get comfortable around all those hot wheels in there with me. I did build a water feature on my deck once. I loved it, yeah for Lowe’s. I looked like a landscape architect genius just by putting part A into part B and firing up the hose. It was great to fall asleep to but it made me have to get up and pee all night long.

Oprah says make your home an oasis…take a look around and think about what you can do to make your house a little more “homey”…even if it’s just a $2 apple pie scented candle.

Rachel Ray, I’m not…

February 2, 2010 by Lynn Edwards | Comments (0)

I don’t know if any of you are “culinaryily challenged,” but I sure am. I am obsessed with the Food Channel but don’t cook anything I ever see prepared on there. There is something soothing and brain numbing about watching them create, compete, build absurdly shaped cakes, and whip up mystery ingredients I have never heard of.

How about that Rachel Ray gal? She rocks it every night in less than 30 minutes. The big difference is when I go to my pantry or fridge I don’t conveniently have all the spices and sauces placed by the elves so my 30 minute meal turns into a frustrated 80 minute search for cumin, and a trip to the grocery store. (Consequently, I leave the grocery store with everything BUT cumin and swing through the drive-through window before returning home.)

When I do cook I seem to have portion control issues. I grew up in a big family so I assume spaghetti noodles come in “single serving” bags only. Needless to say, I have a lot of leftovers and anyone who reheats spaghetti noodles knows, they aren’t too tasty.

My Mom is an amazing cook and she knows how to put on a party with picture perfect hors d’oeuvres, now SHE could have her own Food Network show. I think I was busy outside shooting hoop when she was whipping up chef lessons. So the pressure to live up to that is huge. She would bring heaping scrumptious cupcakes to my class parties… with every child’s name monogrammed on them. I am lucky if I can pull off a drive by drop off of Oreos for the school Valentines Day party!

My southern Mother-in-Law once tried to help me out by buying me a southern cookbook. Every dang recipe started with “make a rue”…have you ever tried to make a rue? Well, it’s a special little concoction of flour and butter that you have to try not to burn. I never made a single recipe from that book!

I will have to say I have the “sipping” part of this sip/savor category down pat. Never met a cocktail I didn’t like and they seem to be MUCH easier to make. Although I recently tried a signature cocktail recipe and it actually called for pear sorbet…my Coors Light generally does not come with ice cream and- huge surprise- I didn’t have any pear sorbet in my freezer (unlike Rachel) so I skipped the garnish, the vodka tasted fine without it!

If your idea of comfort food is a large bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and you don’t own a food processor…you are not alone. Rachel rocks…me, not so much!

* a weekly humor post by Lynn Edwards